Kishimoto in Konoha
by Death-Nerd
Summary: Kishimoto has been sucked into the world he created. Chaos ensues. CRACK Random pairings that I enjoy might be included later if I continue it. ON HIATUS -sorry-
1. Welcome

Once upon a time in a rural area of Tokyo, Japan, a man known to many as Kishimoto stepped out of his house and into the city air. Inhaling the scent of the ramen shop and fresh porn off the presses he briskly walked toward the subways so he could begin to work on the newest chapter of his popular manga series _Naruto_. As he walked he contemplated how far his manga had risen in popularity over the years. He shuddered at the thought of all those unmentionable pairings some of his sick-minded fans had come up with; and just the utter insanity that came from fan websites. True, some pieces of fan-work were wonderful and flattering, but sometimes it made him want to go home and cry himself to sleep. He turned the corner and walked past a store where in the window sat yaoi doujin, menacingly smiling at him with its Kaka/Iru and Sasu/Naru. He suppressed another shutter and kept moving, hoping he would live to see fifty. Suddenly, he fell. Well, he didn't actually fall per say, more like dropped into a dark universe where random ninja equipment floated harmlessly and the faint cry of 'dattebayo' could be heard through the darkness. He looked around in fear, eyes wide and hands shaking as he fell feet first into the nothingness with his own creations flying past his head. Then his feet landed softly on ground, no pain, just as he would carefully stepped off a chair. Startled by the sudden lack of vertigo Kishimoto looked around and what he saw almost made him soil himself. He was in the center of his creation, Konoha, staring at the hokage mountain face in awe. He didn't even notice the startled cries of the citizens or the sound of feet and chakra whooshing toward him at a blindingly fast pace. Before he even had a moment to think the air had been knocked out of him and he was on the ground with two adult ninja on top of him.

"We got him! Who are you and where are you from demon!" shouted one of his attackers, getting spit all over his face.

"We saw you floating toward the ground now tell us who you are or we'll hurt you with this pointy object!" Raged the second one pointing a kunai at his fingers.

For a moment Kishimoto just laid there with two jounin ninjas sitting on his chest pointing kunai at his fingers. Then he recognized the faces of said jounin.

"Izumo…Kotetsu…." He said in a daze.

They both stiffened in shock, their mouths moving but no sound coming out. It was as if Uchiha Madara himself had appeared in front of them and given them both strawberry daiquiris while in a pink bikini.

"H-how do you know our names?" Izumo stuttered.

"I know everything about you two." Kishimoto replied smiling. Then he commenced to tell them their back-stories, their most embarrassing experiences, and where every embarrassing birthmark was; while half the people in town watched on with eyes as big as Kisame's sword. When he was done, both ninjas were off of him and Kishimoto was sitting Indian-style in the middle of the street with a bowl of ramen in hand. He looked around at the faces, everyone here currently were just filler characters used to fill up the village. A wave of disappointment swept over him, he _really_wanted to meet Naruto. No one spoke, they just _stared_, and he was getting quite uncomfortable. Suddenly, a noise was heard overhead and a man with white spiked hair jumped down from a roof.

"Hey guys, sorry I'm late, I was busy helping an old lady dump a body in the river." The man said leaning over and examining Kishimoto's face. "So, is this the guy who floated down from heaven?" he asked. Everyone nodded in reply then, loosing interest, went back to their daily tasks while Kishimoto enjoyed the ramen.

"Mmmmm…. I was right, Ichiraku does have the best ramen!"

"Hey, buddy, up here." The ninja said snapping his finger impatiently.

Looking up Kishimoto smiled and said, "Well hey Kakashi-san. Nice day isn't it, how's Naruto doing?" The adult ninja now known as Kakashi stared at him for a moment then sat down next to him and pulled out his book. Ignoring the question he said, "So I guess all the hubbub I overheard at the Icha store was right, you are some sort of all knowing being."

"Well…" Kishimoto said finishing up his ramen and tossing the bowl aside. "I wouldn't call myself a_ll knowing _but I guess you could say that."

"You really are a nut huh." Kakashi said while reading his daily porn.

Ignoring the statement Kishimoto stuck out his hand and said, "My name's Masashi Kishimoto, nice to finally really meet you Kakashi-san." Without looking up Kakashi took his hand and shook it once before letting go and returning to his novel. The entire street was now lay deserted save Kakashi and Kishimoto as everyone else had fled to his or her houses and shops out of fear of being 'smitten by the holy one.'

"So, do you want to pay a visit to the Hokage?" Kakashi asked breaking the silence. Kishimoto smiled broadly and nodding his head enthusiastically said, "Oh yes it would be wonderful to meet Tsunade-sama!"

"Then let's get going, she's probably going to kill me for being late though." He said nonchalantly.

* * *

What? I'm not working on Tastes Like Chicken? Instead I'm writing this crack! This cannot be true! Ohoho yes it is! Sorry, I just HAD to write this. I might not continue it unless people want me to so... REVIEW PLZ 


	2. The Office

Inside the Hokage office it was a mess. Papers and books were haphazardly piled into corners and backed into walls, making the room seem smaller than normal. Tsunade sat at her desk with her face resting on her palms, slowly getting more annoyed by the second. The man who had apparently had come from heaven was now standing across from her; staring at her breasts with an unmoving gaze. He hadn't said a word yet and with her previous problems nagging at the back of her mind, her patience was quickly wearing thin. Kakashi had begun to read his book when no one said anything and Shizune was as stiff as a statue. It had gone sort of like this.

"_Oh boy! I can't wait to see the hokage office! Maybe later, we can discuss the future of Konoha!"_

"_Yeah, sure, whatever you say god-man, just don't piss her off or she'll knock your head off."_

_Kakashi knocked and Tsunade's voice sounded through the door. "Come in." _

_They opened the door and went inside. It was a messy place, Kishimoto observed, then his train of thought came to an abrupt crash as he noticed Tsunade's large breasts. _

And there he stood, one foot forward ready to touch the ground the other waiting in anticipation to fly forward into the air. He had actually been standing like that for over two minutes, and she was about ready to rip his balls off to see if he would respond. Suddenly, Kakashi worded what many were thinking at the moment.

"So, just out of curiosity, just who the hell are you and what are you doing here?" he asked in a bored tone.

Surprised, the man jumped as if shocked by lightning and fell on his face in surprise and sudden lack of balance. His newfound pain seemed to calm Tsunade down and unfrazzle her nerves.

"Ouch," he said.

"Thank you Kakashi for…averting his attention. Now, down to business." She coughed into her hand and pulled out some blank sheets of paper from under a stack of books, causing them to topple over. "What's your name?"

"Masashi Kishimoto, ma'am." He replied standing up.

"Okay…" she scribbled the name down quickly then looked up again.

"Occupation?"

"Manga artist"

"…Manga?"

"Yes."

"Ookaay…. Place of residence?"

"Tokyo, Japan."

The interrogation continued like this for a few minutes, with Tsunade asking questions, and Kishimoto answering. The sunlight filtered through the curtains in the mid-afternoon sun making the room glow in a ghastly yellow light. Kakashi was now sitting on the floor and giggling at random moments and Shizune still stood like a statue, as usual. Once the interrogation was done, all was quiet, the only noise was of the hysterical laughter coming from Kakashi, who had just read a horribly funny part in his book that he had overlooked before.

"Well," Tsunade finally said breaking the silence. "I think that we're all just screwed and I'm going to retire now." She stood up, pushed all of the piles of books off her desk and stalked off, with Shizune following quickly behind. Kakashi hadn't recovered from his laughing spell yet and hadn't noticed Tsunade's sudden departure, so currently it was only Kishimoto who was confused with the situation.

* * *

A day or so later…

* * *

"So…Kakashi, I heard that you got to meet the youthful being from the sky a day or so ago. Is that true?" The thick eyebrowed man leaned over the table in anticipation, staring his eternal rival in the 'eye.' Kakashi glanced up from his doodles on the restaurant napkin then glanced back down saying, "He met all the jonin and chuunin who were in the village at the time then left saying he wanted to 'see the world.' You were the only jonin gone at the time so you never got to meet him." He looked up again to see his reaction, only to see Gai holding his head and shouting in frustration.

"OH WHYYY! WHY DID I NOT GET TO MEET THE SKY MAN!?"

"Well, you didn't miss much, I personally thought he was a loony." Gai didn't seem to hear him and continued on babbling incoherently.

* * *

Don't worry! There's a reason why Tsunade acted that way! REVIEW. NOW. 


	3. Attack of the pairings

Apologies for the shortness of the last chapter, it seemed much longer on Microsoft Word!

* * *

Fortunately for Gai, Kishimoto wasn't too far away and would in fact get to meet him very soon. While traveling down a main road, Kishimoto realized he would never be prepared to explore the world he created without assistance. He had bought necessary supplies to survive with the money in his wallet and had a large backpack full of essentials. But halfway to the hot spring resort he encountered the fabled and highly feared…Mary Sue. He never expected to encounter something fan-made in is universe so the shock of a big breasted, overly beautiful woman was large.

"You there!" she shouted, cleavage jiggling in an unappealing way. He jumped at her sudden entry and snapped his eyes shut so as not to get distracted by her breasts.

"Y-yes? Who are you? A side character perhaps?"

"Side character? You must be mistaken! I am the lovely Misakuki Hikamomo of the lost Hikamomo clan! Akatsuki killed my clan and they captured me as a child but I escaped using my secret powers that only I know of! But Uchiha Itachi became my lover and-"

"Whoa, WHAT NOW? Since when did Itachi have FEELINGS? For ANYONE?" This was definitely a Mary Sue he thought. Her hair was long and black with pink tinges on the tips and she was wearing very _very __**very**_small outfit. Suddenly, he heard a sobbing noise and opened one eye to see that she was sobbing on the ground in a very 'kicked puppy' fashion.

"How could you say that? He lurves me! I know so, he said it himself!" she sobbed, and continued to sob as Kishimoto backed away slowly, he was afraid she had stopped him to mugg him or something, and he'd rather not have his five yen stolen. Luckily, his comment had caused the Sue so much grief she didn't even notice his departure until he was five miles away. He had decided to head back to Konoha, just to get his bearings before he began to travel. Unfortunately for him, going back to anywhere was a bad idea, for his coming had started the great apocalypse of Naruto.

X

"S-Sasuke?" Naruto gasped, he floundered, he punched himself in the stomach and head a few times, but he still couldn't compute why Sasuke had suddenly decided to return home without killing anyone. It was unfounded, but the thing more confusing than that was the fact that he was naked, save for a bright red bow around his waist.

"Naruto," Sasuke began, "I can't control it anymore, I want you so bad, please love me so hard we get prostate cancer."

Luckily for Naruto, public embarrassment was ruled out since they were at his house; but unluckily for him the gods of yaoi wouldn't let Naruto deny Sasuke's offer. And so his taste changed abruptly from women, to Sasuke. So they had explosive sex until the gods of het decided that Naruto loved Hinata instead, and it all ended in an embarrassing night.

X

"K-k-kakashi, shouldn't this wait until after the students have left?" Iruka sputtered. He felt very uncomfortable having the masked nin grope him in front of the younger children. Sure, he was enjoying it, but he was a conservative man and he did not approve of personal displays of affection. Come to think of it, he didn't actually remember having feelings for Kakashi until yesterday; nonetheless that didn't mean he wasn't a happy man at the moment.

"Don't be such a stiff Iruka, enjoy it." Kakashi said in a low tone. Iruka blushed, and did just that while admiring the now mask-less Kakashi. Suddenly, Kakashi released Iruka from his loving hold with a sick expression, then, pulling his mask back on ran out the door screaming something about not being gay and Sakura. Needless to say Iruka was suddenly very sad and disappointed that there would be no action tonight, and forgetting the disgusted stares of his students he began calling up an 'old friend.'

X

As Kishimoto walked back into town he noticed something strange. First off, all of Akatsuki was there, second, they were fighting over Sakura, third, people who were supposed to be dead were also fighting, and fourth, Kotetsu and Izumo were making out. With this observation in mind Kishimoto calmly turned around and headed back out of the village. He'd much rather face a Mary Sue than watch random people fall in love.

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I do not like any of the pairings listed above.

REVIEW


	4. Pollutants

I apologize for the lack of updates. Rejoice though, for the speech season is almost over for me, HUZZAH!

In this chapter be prepared for SPOILERS and cross-referencing to other anime.

* * *

Before Kishimoto could leave the village, however, the most powerful and intimidating character he had ever imagined stopped him in his tracks. 

"You there," the person said, "help me fix this mess, my organization isn't going to run with every one of my members trying to rape each other."

Kishimoto couldn't identify the person, as the sun was in his face and kept him from seeing who it was.

"I'm sorry, the sun is in my face, who are you?" he questioned.

The person sighed then punched him in the face, knocking Kishimoto out cold. Bending over he picked up the unconscious body and threw it over his shoulder, then walked out of the village.

* * *

"Hey, you, oh great creator person or whatever, wake up."

"huh…wuh?"

"Wake UP! Jeez I didn't hit you _that _hard."

Kishimoto sat up and forced his eyes to focus. As he examined his surroundings he saw that he was in a dark and gloomy cave. It had tons of stalactites and stalagmites protruding out of the floors and walls and there was a slight humidity in the air.

"Hey, you, stop staring at the cave and look over here."

Kishimoto jumped slightly at the sound of the other's voice then looked over to see whom it was. He jumped again, for the voice belonged to Uchiha Madara, only he looked a bit…off. His hair was in a high ponytail and tied in a bright pink bow. Makeup covered his face, and a lovely pink Tutu outfit with angel wings covered his body. Kishimoto gasped and in shock whispered, "You too?" Madara sighed and put his face in his hands, the humiliation showed on his face.

"Yes, It happened as I left Konoha, my clothes were replaced with…THIS monster of an outfit." He paused then added mumbling, "It won't come off either."

Kishimoto shuddered and looked away, he figured all of this chaos was happening because of his coming, and was ashamed.

"So," Madara said, "I need _you _to help me fix up this mess, seeing as you started it." Before Kishimoto could reply though, Madara interrupted. "No, no, that's not right, you _helped _start it, I was the one who originally started it."

"What?"

Madara sighed again and began to explain.

"Okay, I had been studying some ancient scrolls I had found in a ruin hidden deep within a forest. A couple of weeks ago, I came upon a clue that led to my discovery of your universe. After more research I discovered that you were the mastermind behind our existence, and I wanted to use that power to make this universe mine." Madara paused, then continued with an exaggerated slowness. "After days without sleep and endless studying I finally came upon a way to summon you here, all that I needed was a special ring called the gatekeeper clown and this universe would merge with yours. It took me another week to track down the owner and bargain him to give me the ring in exchange of dispelling the curse on him, but that's another story." Madara stopped and repositioned himself, then after messing with his tutu he went on. "Luckily for me I could specify to the thing who I wanted-"

"Wait," Kishimoto interrupted. "If it's a ring then how can you-"

Madara cut him off with an icy glare then continued. "Anyway I specified who I wanted and you came, but the damn thing broke and the pieces did some weird glowy thing. Anyway a day or so after you came something weird happened."

Kishimoto was now leaning forward and listening intently, eyes wide in awe.

"Two random kids just popped out of my body like I was a starfish or somethin'!" He shouted, suddenly frustrated.

"One of em' was the alias I was going by, Tobi, and the other was some weirdo who called himself 'Obito' or something stupid like that. My Alias started ranting about his sempai and the Obito kid just kind of…stood there. Anyway, after that I went looking for you and then…started seeing things that an asexual man like me should never have to see in his lifetime." They both shuttered at the same time. "So after many traumatic experiences I finally found you, and now, you have to go back to where you came from and I'll clean up the leftover pollutants."

"Pollutants?" Kishimoto was beginning to understand, but there was still a bit he just didn't get.

"Yes, pollutants. Things that your crazed…'fans' I guess you'd call them thought of. I guess when you came in their crap came in with you and messed with everything."

Kishimoto nodded, and was slightly reminded of global warming.

Suddenly, Madara's attire changed from a tutu to a retro 'Greece' outfit and he suddenly had a comb in hand.

"Ohhh…. DAMN IT! Not again! What the hell is this!?" Madara began to rant and rave while Kishimoto digested this new information. When Kishimoto couldn't come up with a solution he interrupted Madara's rant saying, "So…how can I get sent back?" Madara stopped ranting and glanced at Kishimoto over his shoulder, looking slightly sadistic.

"I'm glad you asked."

* * *

WHEE over nine thousand points to whoever can tell me which anime the cross-reference is from! 

REVIEW!!


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